Do Date Nights Really Work?
When Todd and I first got married we scheduled date nights faithfully every week. We did not realize that without kids every night is a date night!!
As life went on and children started coming we increasingly struggled to make the time for just the 2 of us. When we finally did make the time, much of it was focused on talking about issues that were stressful: finances, problems with the kids, uncommunicated resentments. We became less and less motivated to have our “special” time that wasn’t turning out to be so special. Who suggested this anyway???
When we finally realized what was going on we obviously had to make some changes. No talking about “problems” (schedule separate and regular times for that; utilize coaching or mentorship if these times become unproductive). Focus on having FUN. If we couldn’t budget a full on dinner with drinks we would take a walk or get desert (we progressively realized a nice dinner together could actually be a priority in our budget!) Ask each other questions. Reminisce about the times in our marriage we really enjoyed! Find out about how the other person really feels about something else going on in their life. Ask if the other person would be willing to pray together for part of the time...
The next hurdle was being disciplined to actually PLAN a regular time both for date nights and also for GETTING AWAY TOGETHER OVERNIGHT! Even if it was just once every few months. We had to get a conviction about why this was all so important in the first place and not just some nice idea as there were many seeming hurdles to making all of this happen.
According to the Gottman institute date nights are super important because-
They foster “stress-reducing” communication without distractions
It keeps couples from taking each other for granted
It fosters romantic love which builds physical attraction towards one another
It strengthens relational commitment
SO...pull out your calendar and plan a date night. Don’t wait for your partner to plan it. Embrace the beauty and strength of being an initiator and make it happen!
