“Houston we have a problem”
“Houston, we have a problem”
Many times over our 28 year marriage we have had problems. We spent many of those years trying different ways to address those problems. In my early years I tried the cold shoulder (OK maybe I tried that in later years and I may or may not have accidentally tried it recently…).
Later on I found my voice and tried demanding (hey at least I was finally using my voice).
After that I tried finding outside resources to get a 3rd party in on the conversation (OK maybe it was more of an argument than a conversation).
All of these worked...for about 5 seconds . What did they all have in common that failed to result in lasting change?? I will tell you!
They all directed the focal point of the problem on something else that was not me: my marriage, my husband, SATAN... Does that mean that I was the problem? Not necessarily (although it definitely could have been...OK sometimes it was…) What it ACTUALLY means is that the moment I perceive or feel there is a problem, I must own that I AM THE ONE HAVING THE PROBLEM. Yes, you heard that correctly.
If your spouse is doing something you do not like, whether or not is objectively “wrong” is irrelevant. They are apparently OK with doing it.
Why is this good news?? I will tell you that too!! Here’s the deal: the minute...actually the second...you own that YOU are the one having the problem, you get to make choices to resolve your problem! YOU HAVE CHOICES !!! But didn’t you have choices before? Yes, but not choices that would resolve the problem for you. (Check comments for a personal example).
This was a powerful realization. However, I do realize that some of you are having a problem in your marriage that is much more complex. I get it. I have a powerful suggestion for you: a big part of this revelation came as a result of amazing counsel we got from an amazing and strongly anointed christian counselor. God used him to bring breakthrough to some significant areas!!
I am also putting his info in the comments below. God wants ABUNDANT LIFE in your marriage and sometimes that looks like Godly skilled counsel.
Remember, you have CHOICES!
