Grace vs Performance

I remember there were years when my kids were growing up that we were influenced by teaching that was very obedience/discipline focused.

Obedience and discipline are so important! I don’t knock ‘em! However, it was surrounded by a heavy emphasis on outward appearance and a litmus test of how Godly of a parent and person you were.

The subconscious pressure this put on “getting” our kids to OBEY contributed to a culture and atmosphere of intensity and heaviness that was more pervasive than the joy!

I finally realized that something had to change! As we began to study grace again and come out from under the pressure of performance we began to see joy blossom in our kids. We began to see them thrive in ways we hadn’t seen in awhile. And we realized that part of thriving is failing, especially when it comes to developmental ages and stages.

I remember meeting with one of our pastors in a state of terror after discovering one of our teens went on a lying spree (fun fact: he was also our youth pastor back in the day). He listened and then very seriously asked me, “do you want to know a secret I discovered about how to know when your teenager is lying?”

ME: “yes!”

PASTOR: “it’s every time their lips are moving”

This reality check is what I needed and what I think a lot of us need as we parent our kids!

Walk in the grace that Jesus died to give you when it comes to parenting. You need this so you can give that grace to your kids. Does this mean you don’t teach obedience or discipline them? No!! (Please love them enough to teach them this). But it DOES mean that you allow them to fail without judging them or over-correcting. It means you choose prayer and laughter over fear and disapproval. It means you spend more time celebrating than disciplining and let true joy spring up from within you. This is what draws our kids to Jesus.

If you need a good grace washing reach out and I’ll send you a link to a powerful teaching series on grace.